When a parent is sick

It has been a good bit since my last blog post. Each time I blog I make a promise to myself that I will keep it up and be more consistent. Never happens!

2018 was not kind to my sweet mother. Literally one health problem led to another and then another and then another.  At 85, she is petite 4’9 and weighs 111 lbs.  A two-time breast cancer survivor, heart attack and stroke survivor too. She has diabetes, osteoporosis, heart failure, and seizures. Yet she fights on. Literally she is the strongest and bravest woman I know. Last year she had blood clots in both her legs. The clots were cleared but complications arose and she developed compartment syndrome resulting in the need for an emergency fasciotomy to relieve the swelling and pressure build up that was occurring, essentially saving her leg.  This event was truly the most painful and the most difficult she has had to endure in her life. Throw in a doctor who is as heartless and disconnected from his patient’s needs (pain control) as you can imagine.  Yes he saved her leg but so much more happened post surgery that could have been handled differently.  But that’s for another post. I simply want to talk about my mom and how faithful God has been and continues to be with her. The fasciotomy did indeed save her leg but left her with a drop foot problem and several months of recuperation. The wound was left open because it needed to heal from the inside out. Because of her diabetes the healing took much longer than expected and many months of painful dressing changes. My brother, dad and myself had to stand by and watch as the nurse changed her dressing every couple of days. No one should have to listen to their mother cry in agony from the pain.  Sure pain meds were given but it didn’t completely numb out the pain.  If that wasn’t enough she had to have a bulky wound vac attached to her leg for many weeks to suck out the dead or dry tissue. No easy feat for an 85 year old. Yet she did it. Through many hospitalizations and two separate stays at different nursing facilities she battled on so she could get home.

After several months and a referral to a wound care doctor who in my book was a gift from heaven for my mom, the wound finally started to heal and eventually closed.  The scar is not pretty to look at and the indentation it left is quite noticeable and she still has nerve damage that resulted in her foot drop, BUT, she has her leg and can walk even with a limp. For this we are extremely grateful to God and to the doctor He put in our path.

Unfortunately her health challenges did not end there. In the summer of 2018 she had a couple of heart attacks then three different strokes all mild but resulting in hospitalizations and more medications being added to her plethora of pills she is already taking daily.  Many more hospitalizations have since occurred and the latest one this year was for an infection and fluid buildup in her lungs which led to her being placed on oxygen so she could breath. More meds, and a bout with hospital delirium which frightened us to no end. To watch a parent’s health and mind deteriorate the way it did was heart stopping. We were told it was the combination of all the drugs she was being given, the difficulty with breathing, her elevated heart rate, the infection and just being in the hospital that brought on the delirium. Thankfully in the days leading up to her discharge her confusion and memory loss lessened and on discharge day she was her normal self. Still very very weak but much better.

She is home now with my dad who watches her and with my brother and I living close by we are constantly visiting and checking on things. What a year it has been.  Throughout all the ups and downs I have witnessed God move mountains for my mom and literally breath life back into her when we thought we were slowly losing her and there was no hope. He sent us the angels we needed in the form of doctors, nurses, home health nurses, physical therapists and pharmacists.  The saying goes “it takes a village”. I am here to say yes it does!  A village of people who are skilled at what they do, a family who loves ferociously, and prayer warriors made up of cousins, aunts, uncles, friends, and even strangers who with faith, covered my mother in prayer and asked God to heal her and deliver her from illness.  My prayers were for healing, peace, strength and understanding if the Lord’s will did not align with what I was praying for.

I feel so blessed and grateful that my mother is with me and that she is strong-willed.  Life has not been easy for her but she finds strength everyday to put one foot in front of the other and keep going.  If you are reading this and your parents are still living please, please love on them like there is no tomorrow. Share your favorite memory of them, cook together and write down those favorite recipes, go for walks hand in hand, take pictures, cry together, and recognize that they are not perfect and flawed like you and me.  And more importantly, thank them for a job well done because being a parent is the hardest job.  Remember life is so short and tomorrow is never promised.

 

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Love Always

What a crazy last couples weeks I’ve had. Between trying to keep up with the work flow at my job and having to wear a heart monitor for 48 hours so my doctor can figure out why I’ve been having heart palpitations, lets just say I’m happy it’s the weekend and I really hope this much needed three-day weekend goes by super slow.

Had a really cool day today with my mother-in-law.  We decided to use our 60 minute massage Groupon that my husband got us for Christmas. After our amazing massage we stopped at the  front desk on our way out so we could check out only to find out that the Groupon we had was for an entirely different spa.  Yes we went to the WRONG spa and ended up having to pay. It’s a long story on how the mixup occured but the bright side is that we enjoyed our massage and we still have our Groupon to redeem …LOL! Sometimes you just have to laugh things off and just be thankful for the moment and for the experience. Enjoy it, smile about it and move on. Hey it’s what Jesus would do, right?

So tomorrow is Valentine’s Day.  Without making this a super long post or getting too wordy, I want to share with you my thoughts about the meaning of the “L” word.  We all know that Valentines Day is  a day of romance and taking time out to really love on that special person in your life.  I don’t know if it’s because the older I get, the wiser I’ve become or if it’s because my walk with the Lord has really opened my heart and made me more aware of the true meaning of what love really is.

Yesterday while at work, I took a call from one of our volunteers. She had a question and as we started talking she asked if I had a any plans for Valentine’s Day. I told her my husband and I would likely spend time together, go out to dinner and catch a movie.  Her response was “good, spend as much time together as you can, love each other and tell each other how you feel because one day you may not have that chance”. I know why she said this.  Years ago she lost her precious husband to cancer and it just devastated her.  She took time off to grieve and was back volunteering after several weeks. Although it was hard, she pushed on and busied herself with her community of friends.  I thought long and heard about what she said and it’s so true. We NEED to tell each other how we feel, how much we love one another. Tell our husbands, wives, sons, daughters, mothers and fathers and anyone who has touched our  lives in a profound way how much they are loved and appreciated. And not just wait for one day out of the year to say these things but to say them often.  Leave a sweet note on the bathroom mirror or in a lunch bag.  Believe me, there is nothing sweeter than to find a love note from your spouse or kids telling you how much they love you.  Those are priceless gifts and much nicer than a box of chocolates (although a box of chocolate covered almonds are always welcome  :-))

Have you ever considered that the bible is like God’s love note to us.  It’s like a life instruction manual for us to read and follow but often times we close the book and look the other way.  I am not throwing any stones here because I am guilty of this myself.  But if you really stop and think and read the love-filled scriptures you can’t help but see that the Lord is truly crazy about us.  There really is no greater and no purer love than that of our heavenly Father.

I think the following scripture says it all…

Colossians 3:12-14 (NIV) ~ Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.  Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.  And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.

How awesome is our Lord to gives such sound, loving instruction on how to navigate through this crazy life.  Much like how we as parents guide and instruct our kids on how to behave, how to treat others and love their friends, family and even their enemies.

Here are a couple of bible verses that really speak to my heart.

1 Corinthians 13:13 (NIV) ~ And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

1 Peter 3:8 (NKJV) ~ And above all things have fervent love for one another, for “love will cover a multitude of sins.”

Love each other not just on Valentine’s Day but everyday. Say it, express it, write it, pray about it and most of all, mean it!

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